The Worst first date mistakes.

If you have been a victim of a terrible date, then you have been making one of these mistakes, check out the list and find out your flaws and how to rock the next date.

Mistake 1: You Played Hard to get.

Your friends might tell you that playing hard to get is the key to securing a guy, but the last time they went on a date was when they were 14. Don’t play hard to get. It will turn your date off and even if they did like you, by the time it’s time to pay the bill they’ll have lost that loving feeling.

What to do on your next first date: Don’t act as if you are head-over-heels in love with your date, but do give them signals that you’re interested. Touch their arm gently or look into their eyes for a few seconds and smile. Little hints like this are enough to keep them interested.

 

Mistake 2: Wandering Eyes

Even if the hottest man you have ever seen or the sexiest woman in the world walks in to the bar where you and your date are having a drink, be strong and do not check them out. Your date will be aware that a gorgeous guy or girl entered the bar too and they will probably watch you to gauge your reaction. If you stare at them, drooling over their toned behind, your date will be hurt, humiliated and might assume you lack loyalty.

What to do on your next first date: If you really are desperate to gawk, just wait five minutes and excuse yourself whilst you go to the bathroom. Then, when you make your way back to your table admire the hottie in secret.

 

Mistake 3: You asked Permission

There is nothing more off-putting than having someone ask for your permission to kiss them. It shows you lack confidence, assertiveness and, if you have to ask, the moment clearly isn’t right. Although, on no account, should you be too aggressive, asking to kiss someone is a classic first date mistake.

What to do on your next first date: Try to work out why you ask permission. If you ask permission because you lack confidence read some tips on how to be a better kisser. Also don’t over-think the moment because, despite the hype, the first kiss isn’t the be all and end all.

 

Mistake 4: Be silent and mysterious

Although the brooding and silent type of guy and girl seems sexy in movies, in real life you just come across as aloof, arrogant or painfully shy. Instead of being silent, you need to showcase your personality. A study undertaken at Iowa University found that those couples who had similar personalities were more likely to stay together longer.

What to do on your next first date: Scrap the attitude and instead talk about topics that show the person you’re dating who you are and what you are like. Not only will your date be more interested in you, you’ll probably have more fun as well.

 

Mistake 5: Talk about how you cheated

One of the worst first date mistakes is to talk about how you cheated on your ex. In a study undertaken by researchers at Cornell University it was found that the trait both men and women rated highest was fidelity. In fact, being faithful was ranked as being more important than attraction, wealth and status.

What to do on your next first date: Avoid talking about your ex and don’t mention that you broke their heart because of your night-time antics with the girl or guy next door. Although you’ll have to tell them the truth at some point, the first date is not the time or the place.

 

Mistake 6: You Moaned

So, you’ve had a terrible year, but do you really think a first date is the right moment to offload? People want to be around others who make them feel good and are fun. If your date leaves feeling low, depressed and in need of a stiff drink after spending the evening with you, there is no chance that you will be getting a second date.

What to do on your next first date: If you’re too low to control your feelings and you’re not in a great place, starting a relationship is a bad idea. Be brave and address any issues that are holding you and your happiness back before starting to date again.

 

Mistake 7: You ask them what they want to call your children

Dates are all about flirting and fun; not pressure, commitment and life plans. Although you need to ask engaging questions, asking your date whether they would be happy to convert their children to the catholic faith is going too far. Avoid talking about having a future together or asking them their views on such personal and difficult issues.

What to do on your next first date: Think about why you ask in-depth, personal questions. Is it because you’re desperate to settle down? If you are, just remember that those questions will just drive the person away, so try to relax and enjoy yourself.

 

Mistake 8: You bring in the “Ex Factor”

I’ve seen too many dinner dates that start out great only to end up being over before the main course has arrived. Why? Because too many people bring their exes to the table with them. This includes not only former spouses and lovers, but jobs, too. No one wants to hear about your sad past on a first date.

What to do on your next first date:

Always try to keep it light and fun. Talk about your favorite film, play, vacation spot, book, or what you enjoy doing on the weekends.

 

Mistake 9: You dress for the bedroom

Men are visual creatures and they can imagine undressing women with their eyes the moment they meet. This doesn’t mean that women should wear a sexy low-cut outfit showing off lots of cleavage. Men like to slowly unwrap a package, so to speak. Unless you’re just looking for a hook-up, women should leave the sexy clothes for when they really are ready for a more intimate relationship.

What to do on your next first date:

Dress decently. don’t show so much skin so as not to create distractions during the date.

 

Mistake 10: You always attend to your phone

Sure, you connect with others online. You can even use MatchMobile™ while you’re on the go. But when you get to your date, put your smartphone in your pocket or purse and leave it there. It shouldn’t be a visible accessory on your date. Otherwise, it will give the impression that you are waiting for a better invitation to come in.

What to do on your next first date:

Avoid the urge to check your messages and text a friend while you’re on a date, in fact keep your phone in your bag and it should be in silent mode or switched off.

 

Mistake 11: You always bring your friends along

This is a big NO, no matter how close you are to your friends, never take them with you to a date. It’s not a party or a picnic, It is a DATE.

What to do on your next first date:

Leave your friend at home.

 

Mistake 12: You disrespect everything

Please whenever you are on a date with someone try as much as you can not to disrespect anyone, anyplace or anything whatsoever because it might turn out to be your dates favorite or  he/she might have a kind of link to it.

What to do on your next first date:

Do talk nice and be polite.

 

 

source: realbuzz.com, datingtips.match.com,metro.co.uk

 

13 Habits You Should Leave in 2013

Its a brand new year and everyone goes with the slogan “New Year, New ME!”. In order  to achieve that, we have to drop some old habits and upgrade our ways of living, which also includes our human – human relationship. Here are some habits that needs to be left behind for the new personality of this year to emerge.

1. Stop Over Sharing On The First Date

I remember during the end of one first date he exclaimed how much fun he was having and recounted that on his last date the girl revealed that she was a rape victim before they had even ordered. That was inappropriate on her part but she’s probably trying to deal with the situation. It was even more inappropriate for him to tell this story especially in the form of an anecdote.

2. Lying About Little Things

You shouldn’t lie about big things such as marital status either but little white lies suck too. I’ve come across so many guys who lie about their height, where they live or even their position at work. Women lie too. Ladies he will eventually find out that isn’t your real hair.

3. Dominating The Conversation

A conversation requires a minimum of two partners and at the end of every one you both should feel as if you’ve said all that you needed to say and you’ve learned the information that you were seeking. A great trick is to ask a question right in the middle of a story that you’re telling. If you’re telling him about your cross-country road trip don’t just ask if he’s ever been on one. Ask if he’s ever wanted to go on one and why. Allow him to answer and then proceed.

4. Texting

Your phone should remain in your bag or pocket. If you’re expecting a call or message go to the bathroom to check it.

5. Drunk Dating

Dates aren’t the best places to get drunk, even if they’re really bad. Have you ever been on a second date with someone who got drunk on the first one? Exactly keep the sloppiness to Joe.

6. Not Dressing For The Occasion

Would you go to a funeral in black? Would you go swimming in sweats? Then why the heck would you go on a hiking date in heels or to dinner in cut-offs. Now if the person didn’t tell you how to dress that’s their bad and a habit they need to work on.

7. Stop petting The Awkward Turtle

The Awkward Turtle is the animal mascot of the awkward moment. I love homeboy but leave him at home. To avoid bringing him out don’t ask questions about their ex and don’t ask the dreaded question “So why are you single?”.

8. EX-plaining way too much

I’m not talking about providing more details about a certain topic. I’m referring to the terrible habit of bringing up your ex during every conversation. Not only on a date but with friends, co-workers, nail technicians, baristas and oh yeah your blog.

9. First Date Sleep Overs

if you hop into beds as easily as you do cabs. You really need to make a change in 2014.

10. Hating On Yourself

It’s great that you don’t spend the entire date humble bragging or showing off Instagram photos with celebs. But don’t talk how much you think you suck at so and so because eventually they might agree with you.

11. Instagramming Your Food

This goes back to texting but some people will break out the phone for the house special so I felt I had to include it. This takes away from the moment. If you’re excited about your flower shaped polenta share it with your date instead of your followers.

12. Going Back To The Future

You should look fly, but you’re not Marty Mcfly so I’m going to need you to remain in the present. Don’t talk about the fact you want a surrogate to maintain your figure or you want your mum to live with you guys. Keep it current. Keep it casual.

13. Actin’ Brand New

Be yourself don’t try to be who you think they’d want to date. You might miss out on a great person because they may actually want to date the real you.

Lets work on it and have great date this year.

source:fiftystatesofdating.com

 

Ways To Date

It can be difficult to strike a good balance when dating. How do you appear interested without coming off as desperate or needy? How do you get to know someone without being nosy or rude? And how do you figure out how a person feels about you — or tell them how you feel about them — without either of you feeling uncomfortable? Dating is a tricky business, but here are some guidelines that will keep you successful and in the mix!

https://themessenger107.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/bfed7-mnring6copy.jpg

 

1. Setting Yourself up for Success

a)  Define your expectations.

Why are you dating? What are you looking for? Do you want a lifetime commitment, or do you want to live completely in the moment? Whether or not you’re seeking a commitment can make a difference in how you approach dating.

  • If you’re dating for fun and companionship, what matters most is how well you get along, right off the bat. Flirting and sexual chemistry are important here.
  • If you’re seeking a partner, you should be more willing to overlook initial shyness and awkwardness so that you can get to know a person over more than one date. Compatibility and emotional exchange are important here.
  • Most of us are looking for a mixture of fun and commitment, but it’s important to know where you stand so that you can figure out if your date is on the same page.

b) Decide how you want to date.

In today’s modern world, it’s not enough to know that you want to date. You have to know how you want to date. Because there are several different ways of going about it, each with their pros and cons. Remember that you don’t have to stick to any one style. In fact, trying more than one probably increases your likelihood of success:

  • Try Internet dating: Online dating is the wave of the future. You set up a profile, browse other profiles at your own convenience, and meet in person if you’re both willing. Online dating is efficient and great for people who are a little shy (but not only for them). On the other hand, you’ll get a lot of people who blatantly lie on their online profile and misrepresent themselves; sometimes online chemistry doesn’t translate to actual chemistry.
  • Find a date at a bar or a club: Approaching someone out of the blue at a club or the bar is hard; you usually need to be pretty confident and comfortable with the opposite sex. But for a good number of people, it totally works. This method of “dating” is more informal and usually fling-focused, but it doesn’t have to be.
  • Ask your friend to set you up: Your friends know you well. At least, that’s the idea. So why can’t they play set up artist? Asking your friends to set you up with someone is usually either a complete disaster or a total success. Why not try it?

c) Get yourself looking your best. Maybe you tell yourself that looks don’t matter when it comes to love. Unfortunately, it’s not the case. While lasting affection and emotional exchange — the backbone of relationships — have nothing to do with looks or grooming, the initial attraction you feel for another person often does. How you take care of your looks says a lot about you.

  • Guys,  You’ll want to know what hair to keep and which to style; how to get the clearest skin and when to shave; how to prep your breath for kissing, etc. Don’t underestimate this step!
  • Ladies,  Much like guys — but different, obviously — you’ll want to know hair, skin, makeup, accessories, and clothing secrets that other women rely on.

d) Be outcome-independent. In dating, you’re going to deal with rejection. In fact, if you’re not getting rejected at some point, you’re probably not putting yourself out there enough. If you’re outcome-independent, meaning you don’t care whether you’re welcomed or rejected by a potential date, that rejection isn’t going to sting. If rejection doesn’t sting, you won’t let it keep you from meeting new and interesting people, thereby increasing your chances of success.

  • Being outcome-independent is a lot easier in theory than in practice. You’re going to need to learn how to develop a thick skin in order to really master this. It’s worth it though: Too many people let the fear of rejection keep them from getting very far in dating.

2. Putting Yourself out There

A) Put yourself out there.

You don’t have to hit the bars or the clubs to meet new people, although you can, if that’s something you enjoy doing anyway. Pursue interests and activities that mean a lot to you. If you’re somewhere where you naturally have fun and you see someone who looks interesting, there’s a good chance that you’ll immediately have something in common with them. Connection detected!

  • The internet has made this a whole lot easier. Check forums, listings, classifieds, and Internet mailing lists (known as “listservs”) for local events or meetings that are likely to attract people with similar interests or passions.
  • When you’re there, be bold. If approaching someone you’re interested in isn’t really your style, you can still be bold by making yourself look approachable and inviting. Make eye contact, smile, raise your eyebrows — make a connection from across the room.

B) Learn the art of small talk.

A lot of people who swear they hate dating probably only hate small talk. And that’s okay, because small talk is extremely hard. You usually know nothing about the person, so you have to search for common ground. Luckily, this is only the beginning of your conversation. Here are a few tips that should get you going:

  • Ask questions: Ask open-ended questions about the other person so that they elaborate. Something like “So what got you interested in rock-climbing?” is a lot better than “Are you interested in rock-climbing?”
  • Talk about your immediate surroundings: No, this doesn’t mean the weather. This means what you both happen to be doing. If you happen to meet someone playing beach volleyball, you can say something like: “Wow, you’re really good. I’ll know where to come in the future if I want my butt kicked. Do you play here often?”
  • Relate to what the other person said: If the other person mentions a physics teacher that they really like and you can relate, don’t be afraid to share: “Yeah, I totally had one of those teachers myself. There’s nothing like setting fires and blowing stuff up in class.”

C) Don’t be afraid to poke fun of yourself.

You’re nervous. You’re palms are sweaty and your heart is racing. Suddenly, you trip over your words and say something you think is utterly stupid. What do you do? Act serious and get embarrassed; crack a smile and make a joke at your own expense?

  • Make a joke at your own expense! “Wow, I guess I get really tongue-tied in front of a beautiful girl! Good to know!” This puts both of you at ease and tells the other person that you don’t take yourself too seriously. Being playful, in fact, it is the most important quality in dating.

D) Be selective.

Don’t just date anyone who shows an inkling of interest in you. Despite what everyone says about not judging a book by its cover, people who are more discriminating tend to be seen as more desirable, probably because having standards shows that you value yourself and aren’t going for a date with whoever crosses your path.

  • At the same time, you don’t want to be too selective — if you keep holding out for the perfect person, you’re guaranteed to miss out. If you’re in a room full of people with similar interests, you should be able to pick out one or two people who you’d like to date — not 10, not 0. Make it a point to not leave the event without showing interest and making a connection with a few people. Trading phone numbers and meeting in person is often a sign that a person desires an actual relationship.
  • If someone asks you on a date and you’re not interested, avoid making excuses like “I’m busy” or “I’m not ready to date right now.” They’ll eventually see that you’re only too busy for them, and they’re the only one you’re not ready to date. This can be more hurtful and insulting than just saying “no”. Handle it gracefully. Smile and say “No thanks, but I appreciate the offer” and change the subject to ease any discomfort.

E) Ask for a date. If you think your first few minutes of interaction have gone well, go out there and say it. It’s going to be hard, but you can do it. Don’t beat around the bush. As difficult as it may be, the other person appreciates the honesty. You can always say something like:

  • Sincere: “Hey, you seem like a really interesting person. Would you maybe want to grab a drink later on in the week?”
  • Romantic: “I gotta say, when I saw you from across the room, my eyes lit up. And when we started talking, they lit up even more. Would you want to meet up later for a drink?”

 

3. Having a Successful First Date

A) Make a good first impression.

You want this person to enjoy the date, but you also want them to enjoy you as an individual. Be considerate and charming without looking or acting like someone you’re definitely not. Let them discover who you are while trying to maintain a little bit of mystery.

  • Have good manners: Turn off your phone. The only reason you should be checking or answering your phone is if you’re a doctor. Learn your table manners if you’re eating food.
  • Concentrate on your date: don’t check out anyone else, no matter how slick you think you might be about it. Don’t act uninterested or frown. Gazing off into space while your date is eating or talking isn’t good either, and makes it look like you want to get out as soon as possible.
  • Don’t talk about past relationships: This is a no-no and a sure turn-off. You will only project the impression that you are unable to let go. If your partner asks about your last relationship, just tell them that you realized the two of you weren’t as compatible as you initially thought, so you have moved on to look for someone with whom to discover greater mutual happiness. Keep it brief and don’t ask about their ex.

B) Choose a date with some excitement in it.

Whether it’s a roller-coaster ride or a monster truck show, a little excitement does a lot for a first date. Not only is there a distraction that you both can use if the conversation sputters out (which is natural), but there’s also chemistry at work. When you engage in an exciting activity with a date, your brain releases dopamine and norepinephrine, which are hormones associated with pleasure, trust, and affection. If you can induce a little bit of dopamine and norepinephrine in your date, your chances at success become better.

C) Be interested and interesting.

Don’t exaggerate or boast about your credentials, successes, etc. Just tell them what you really enjoy in life, what gets you excited and what you want to leap out of bed to pursue. Ask them what they really love in life and what gets them excited. Feel the change in energy during this conversation and revel in it.

  • Don’t forget to add a spark of humor to your conversations: Humor can create a stronger bond of friendship between you two. It is also great to crack romantic jokes, as it brings up the possibility of what might happen between the two of you.
  • Be positive: If you have had a bad day, still greet them with pleasure and a big smile. Don’t show up for your date complaining about the traffic, your boss, or your job. If you must whine, whine a little during dinner and end that very short whine with a “glad I’m here with you now!” remark.

D) Don’t make the first date too long.

Sometimes, when a date is going really well, your impulse is to keep it going at whatever cost. This is often the wrong approach. End a date after one or two hours, however well it’s going. There are several reasons for this:

  • End on a high note: It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish. If you stay with someone for 6 hours straight, the end is probably not going to be as exciting as the beginning. Then you leave that memory to linger until you next see the person, which isn’t a great feeling.
  • Don’t move at warp-speed from the get-go: It takes time to get to know someone. Don’t pretend that it doesn’t. Setting a limit of one or two hours for your date gives the other person some space, doesn’t crowd them from the beginning. One or two hours is plenty time to decide whether you like the person.
  • Give yourself plenty of things to talk about: Running out of things to say to one another on the first date can be disastrous. Running out of things to say to one another after the third or fourth date doesn’t need to be. Taking shorter dates helps prevent initial burnout.

 

4. Building on the First Date and Beyond

A) Avoid being smothering or obsessive.

Never call, e-mail or text message more than once a day unless they reply. Continue with other activities and let them know you’ve got a life beyond dating. At the same time, don’t get carried away with the “hard to get” act — the idea is to overcome any feeling that you “need” to call them, or you “need” to see them again, or you “need” this to work out. The difference between “needing” and “wanting” is patience.

  • Don’t plan another date too quickly. Your partner (and you) need time to assess your feelings about the date and prepare to accept another one. Within a short time after (1-7 days) call your partner and express your feelings about where to go next in the relationship (like one date at a time, or more dating, or less, or more casual, or more formal, or to cut it off, become friends, or what have you…).

B) Be honest.

If you are not ready to be in a committed relationship, let them know straight away so that you do not give them false hope. If you’re just not interested in a relationship with them anymore, tell them so. Don’t lead them on. Explain that you just don’t see it going anywhere. Don’t say that you want to be friends unless you actually want to be friends and spend time with this person on a regular basis. If you are interested in seeing this person more often, honesty is still a critical ingredient to a healthy relationship!

C) Show an emotional maturity.

However old you are, punch above your weight. If you just want a casual hookup out of dating, be mature enough to say so from the beginning. Most likely, however, you want something a little more. Show whomever you’ve started dating that you care about things like honesty, communication, and respect. These things go a long way in attracting the other person to you.

  • Part of an emotional maturity is being patient about sex. If you’re only looking for sex with your partner, then you should find an acceptable way of saying so. Otherwise, don’t pressure the other person with sex. Wait for it to happen naturally. You may have to wait several dates for it to even be a possibility.

D) Don’t try too hard and allow spontaneity.

Learn to relax and be original. If this relationship goes somewhere, leading to something deeper and more serious, your originality will hold great memories for the other half. We all appreciate the simple sweet gestures, or memories which are likely to bring warmth or a smile to our faces.

E) Know what’s reasonable.

There are a lot of unwritten rules in dating. Knowing what they are and why they’re there will help you avoid some embarrassing situations. In no particular order, and not comprehensive:

  • A kiss is okay on the first date, especially if the date went really well, but it might help to ask. (“Can I kiss you” is simple and effective.) If you don’t kiss the other person by the third date, they may start to ask questions about you. (“Do they like me?” “What’s their deal?” etc.)
  • A man shouldn’t feel obligated to pay for everything. A man may offer, like a gentleman would, to pay for drinks or tickets to a movie. (It’s recommended.) But going Dutch on a semi-expensive dinner is totally acceptable. (Ladies, don’t assume he’s always going to pay.)
  • Don’t expect sex on any of the first three dates. Of course, if it’s there, and it’s natural, go for it. But don’t expect it, or you will probably be sorely disappointed.
  • Don’t be afraid to communicate affection. Saying something like “I really like you; you’re a great person” can mean a lot to your date. Saying the other “L”-word — “I love you” — is probably not recommended during the first month or so of courtship, even if that’s the way you feel.

 

Tips

  • If your friend tell you to kiss him you don’t have to if you don’t want to.
  • When you’ve decided on where you’re going on a date, its important to let a close friend or family member know where you’ve gone on your date. This is for your own safety. Additionally make sure you stick to the plans you’ve made and told your close friend!
  • Think about what makes someone come home from a first date and tell their friends, “Wow, my date was awesome! I had such a great time getting to know this person and can’t wait to see them again.” Things that make a date truly memorable are often found in the mental more than the physical connections.
  • Don’t go on about your ex’s and your past relationships – no date likes to think of the idea that you still haven’t gotten over your first ‘true’ love and that they will be second best.
  • Avoid disclosing personal information such as your finances, or specific details about where you live until you feel comfortable.
  • Male relatives and friends can be a great source for dating tips. Often times, their tips will involve chivalry, e.g., being a gentleman.
  • Try phrasing the ‘date’ in a different context so that it reduces the expectations from the encounter. “Do you want to go and hang out at ‘_______ bar’ and have a drink.” If it is not going well you have saved yourself a meal and two more hours with someone who isn’t compatible, and if it is going well you can move on to dinner.
  • Although this is not always possible, try to become friends with the person in group situations before moving into one-on-one dating. This will help eliminate a lot of the awkwardness associated with first dates and give you a better sense of compatibility without any real commitment.
  • Although being a gentleman is good, do not overdo it. It will likely creep out your date.
  • For any face to face meetings, always remember the ‘1,2,3’. 1: XYZ – Examine Your Zip, make sure it’s not down! 2: Teeth! Make sure you’ve brushed them for optimal fresh breath and that there aren’t any bits of dinner hanging around and 3. Condomise, make sure you’ve got a johnny on you, because who knows when the situation may arise, and not having a condom can completely kill it.

 

Warnings

  • Know when it’s time to be serious with your partner and when to be humorous. No one likes her date to be joking around in a serious atmosphere.
  • Be safe, and be careful; if you’re uncomfortable with your partner, politely end the date without feigning excuses. Being firm, polite, and honest in an uncomfortable situation is usually the best way to end a date gone awry.

 

source: wikiHow.com

 

 

 

 

What is Love?

Everyone wants to be loved, every song talks about love and its outcome, everyone wants to discuss about it, we all are eager to learn what love is all about, so i decided to share this work which gave a reasonable explanation of what love is all about.

Love is one of the most widely used words and is associated with every individual irrespective of our age, social status, complexion, size, achievements etc. The word “love” can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection (“I love my mother”) to pleasure (“I loved that meal”). It can refer to an emotions of a strong attraction and personal attachment. It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—”the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another”. It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one’s self or animals.

Ancient Greeks identified four forms of love: kinship or familiarity (in Greek, storge), friendship (philia), sexual and/or romantic desire (eros), and self-emptying or divine love (agape). Modern authors have distinguished further varieties of romantic love. Non-Western traditions have also distinguished variants or symbioses of these states. This diversity of uses and meanings combined with the complexity of the feelings involved makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, compared to other emotional states.

Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

Love may be understood as a function to keep human beings together against menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the species.

Definitions

The word “love” can have a variety of related but distinct meanings in different contexts. Many other languages use multiple words to express some of the different concepts that English relies mainly on “love” to encapsulate; one example is the plurality of Greek words for “love” Cultural differences in conceptualizing love thus doubly impede the establishment of a universal definition.

Although the nature or essence of love is a subject of frequent debate, different aspects of the word can be clarified by determining what isn’t love. Love as a general expression of positive sentiment (a stronger form of like) is commonly contrasted with hate (or neutral apathy); as a less sexual and more emotionally intimate form of romantic attachment, love is commonly contrasted with lust; and as an interpersonal relationship with romantic overtones, love is sometimes contrasted with friendship, although the word love is often applied to close friendships.

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Abstractly discussed love usually refers to an experience one person feels for another. Love often involves caring for or identifying with a person or thing (cf. vulnerability and care theory of love), including oneself (cf. narcissism). In addition to cross-cultural differences in understanding love, ideas about love have also changed greatly over time. Some historians date modern conceptions of romantic love to courtly Europe during or after the Middle Ages, although the prior existence of romantic attachments is attested by ancient love poetry.

The complex and abstract nature of love often reduces discourse love to a thought-terminating cliché. Several common proverbs regard love, from Virgil’s “Love conquers all” to The Beatles’ “All You Need Is Love”. St. Thomas Aquinas, following Aristotle, defines love as “to will the good of another.” Bertrand Russell describes love as a condition of “absolute value,” as opposed to relative value. Philosopher Gottfried Leibniz said that love is “to be delighted by the happiness of another.” Biologist Jeremy Griffith defines love as “unconditional selflessness”.

Love is sometimes referred to as an “international language” that overrides cultural and linguistic divisions.

Impersonal love

A person can be said to love an object, principle, or goal to which they are deeply committed and greatly value. For example, compassionate outreach and volunteer workers’ “love” of their cause may sometimes be born not of interpersonal love but impersonal love, altruism, and strong spiritual or political convictions. People can also “love” material objects, animals, or activities if they invest themselves in bonding or otherwise identifying with those things. If sexual passion is also involved, then this feeling is called paraphilia.

Interpersonal love

Interpersonal love refers to love between human beings. It is a more potent sentiment than a simple liking for another. Unrequited love refers to those feelings of love that are not reciprocated. Interpersonal love is most closely associated with interpersonal relationships. Such love might exist between family members, friends, and couples. There are also a number of psychological disorders related to love, such as erotomania.

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lovers

Throughout history, philosophy and religion have done the most speculation on the phenomenon of love. In the last century, the science of psychology has written a great deal on the subject. In recent years, the sciences of psychology, anthropology, neuroscience, and biology have added to the understanding of the nature and function of love.

Biological basis of Love

Biological models of sex tend to view love as a mammalian drive, much like hunger or thirst. Helen Fisher, a leading expert in the topic of love, divides the experience of love into three partly overlapping stages: lust, attraction, and attachment. Lust is the feeling of sexual desire; romantic attraction determines what partners mates find attractive and pursue, conserving time and energy by choosing; and attachment involves sharing a home, parental duties, mutual defense, and in humans involves feelings of safety and security. Three distinct neural circuitries, including neurotransmitters, and three behavioral patterns, are associated with these three romantic styles.

Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating, and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen. These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months. Attraction is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to an individual mate forms. Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act in a manner similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain’s pleasure centre and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.

Since the lust and attraction stages are both considered temporary, a third stage is needed to account for long-term relationships. Attachment is the bonding that promotes relationships lasting for many years and even decades. Attachment is generally based on commitments such as marriage and children, or on mutual friendship based on things like shared interests. It has been linked to higher levels of the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin to a greater degree than short-term relationships have. Enzo Emanuele  and coworkers reported the protein molecule known as the nerve growth factor (NGF) has high levels when people first fall in love, but these return to previous levels after one year.

Psychological basis of Love

Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon. Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a triangular theory of love and argued that love has three different components: intimacy, commitment, and passion. Intimacy is a form in which two people share confidences and various details of their personal lives, and is usually shown in friendships and romantic love affairs. Commitment, on the other hand, is the expectation that the relationship is permanent. The last and most common form of love is sexual attraction and passion. Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love. All forms of love are viewed as varying combinations of these three components. Non-love does not include any of these components. Liking only includes intimacy. Infatuated love only includes passion. Empty love only includes commitment. Romantic love includes both intimacy and passion. Companion-ate love includes intimacy and commitment. Fatuous love includes passion and commitment. Lastly, consummate love includes all three. American psychologist Zick Rubin sought to define love by psychometrics in the 1970s. His work states that three factors constitute love: attachment, caring, and intimacy.

Following developments in electrical theories such as Coulomb’s law, which showed that positive and negative charges attract, analogs in human life were developed, such as “opposites attract.” Over the last century, research on the nature of human mating has generally found this not to be true when it comes to character and personality—people tend to like people similar to themselves. However, in a few unusual and specific domains, such as immune systems, it seems that humans prefer others who are unlike themselves (e.g., with an orthogonal immune system), since this will lead to a baby that has the best of both worlds. In recent years, various human bonding theories have been developed, described in terms of attachments, ties, bonds, and affinities. Some Western authorities disaggregated into two main components, the altruistic and the narcissistic. This view is represented in the works of Scott Peck, whose work in the field of applied psychology explored the definitions of love and evil. Peck maintains that love is a combination of the “concern for the spiritual growth of another,” and simple narcissism. In combination, love is an activity, not simply a feeling.

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grand mother and child

Psychologist Erich Fromm maintained in his book The Art Of Loving that love is not merely a feeling but is also actions, and that in fact, the “feeling” of love is superficial in comparison to one’s commitment to love via a series of loving actions over time. In this sense, Fromm held that love is ultimately not a feeling at all, but rather is a commitment to, and adherence to, loving actions towards another, oneself, or many others, over a sustained duration. Fromm also described love as a conscious choice that in its early stages might originate as an involuntary feeling, but which then later no longer depends on those feelings, but rather depends only on conscious commitment.

Evolutionary basis of Love

Evolutionary psychology has attempted to provide various reasons for love as a survival tool. Humans are dependent on parental help for a large portion of their lifespans compared to other mammals. Love has therefore been seen as a mechanism to promote parental support of children for this extended time period. Another factor may be that sexually transmitted diseases can cause, among other effects, permanently reduced fertility, injury to the fetus, and increase complications during childbirth. This would favor monogamous relationships over polygamy.

Cultural views

Ancient Greek

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Greek distinguishes several different senses in which the word “love” is used. For example, Ancient Greek has the words philia, eros, agape, storge, and xenia. However, with Greek (as with many other languages), it has been historically difficult to separate the meanings of these words totally. At the same time, the Ancient Greek text of the Bible has examples of the verb agapo having the same meaning as phileo.

Agape (ἀγάπη agápē) means love in modern-day Greek. The term s’agapo means I love you in Greek. The word agapo is the verb I love. It generally refers to a “pure,” ideal type of love, rather than the physical attraction suggested by eros. However, there are some examples of agape used to mean the same as eros. It has also been translated as “love of the soul.”

Eros (ἔρως érōs) (from the Greek deity Eros) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Greek word erota means in love. Plato refined his own definition. Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth by eros. Some translations list it as “love of the body.”

Philia(φιλία philía), a dispassionate virtuous love, was a concept addressed and developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality, and familiarity. Philia is motivated by practical reasons; one or both of the parties benefit from the relationship. It can also mean “love of the mind.”

Storge (στοργή storgē) is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring.

Xenia(ξενία xenía), hospitality, was an extremely important practice in Ancient Greece. It was an almost ritualized friendship formed between a host and his guest, who could previously have been strangers. The host fed and provided quarters for the guest, who was expected to repay only with gratitude. The importance of this can be seen throughout Greek Mythology—in particular, Homer’s iliad and Odyssey.

Ancient Roman (Latin)

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The Latin language has several different verbs corresponding to the English word “love.” amõ is the basic verb meaning I love, with the infinitive amare (“to love”) as it still is in Italian today. The Romans used it both in an affectionate sense as well as in a romantic or sexual sense. From this verb come amans—a lover, amator, “professional lover,” often with the accessory notion of lechery—and amica, “girlfriend” in the English sense, often being applied euphemistically to a prostitute. The corresponding noun is amor (the significance of this term for the Romans is well illustrated in the fact, that the name of the City, Rome—in Latin: Roma—can be viewed as an anagram for amor, which was used as the secret name of the City in wide circles in ancient times), which is also used in the plural form to indicate love affairs or sexual adventures. This same root also produces amicus—”friend”—and amicitia, “friendship” (often based to mutual advantage, and corresponding sometimes more closely to “indebtedness” or “influence”). Cicero wrote a treatise called On Friendship (de Amicitia), which discusses the notion at some length. Ovid wrote a guide to dating called Ars Amatoria (The Art of Love), which addresses, in depth, everything from extramarital affairs to overprotective parents.

Latin sometimes uses amāre where English would simply say to like. This notion, however, is much more generally expressed in Latin by placere or delectāre, which are used more colloquially, the latter used frequently in the love poetry of Catullus. Diligere often has the notion “to be affectionate for,” “to esteem,” and rarely if ever is used for romantic love. This word would be appropriate to describe the friendship of two men. The corresponding noun diligentia, however, has the meaning of “diligence” or “carefulness,” and has little semantic overlap with the verb. Observare is a synonym for diligere; despite the cognate with English, this verb and its corresponding noun, observantia, often denote “esteem” or “affection.” Caritas is used in Latin translations of the Christian Bible to mean “charitable love”; this meaning, however, is not found in Classical pagan Roman literature. As it arises from a conflation with a Greek word, there is no corresponding verb.

Chinese and other Sinic cultures

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Two philosophical underpinnings of love exist in the Chinese tradition, one from Confusianism which emphasized actions and duty while the other came from Mohism which championed a universal love. A core concept to Confucianism is Ren (“benevolent love”, 仁), which focuses on duty, action and attitude in a relationship rather than love itself. In Confucianism, one displays benevolent love by performing actions such as filial piety from children, kindness from parent, loyalty to the king and so forth.

The concept of Ai (愛) was developed by the Chinese philosopher Mozi in the 4th century BC in reaction to Confucianism’s benevolent love. Mozi tried to replace what he considered to be the long-entrenched Chinese over-attachment to family and clan structures with the concept of “universal love” (jiān’ài, 兼愛). In this, he argued directly against Confucians who believed that it was natural and correct for people to care about different people in different degrees. Mozi, by contrast, believed people in principle should care for all people equally. Mohism stressed that rather than adopting different attitudes towards different people, love should be unconditional and offered to everyone without regard to reciprocation, not just to friends, family and other Confucian relations. Later in Chinese Buddhism, the term Ai (愛) was adopted to refer to a passionate caring love and was considered a fundamental desire. In Buddhism, Ai was seen as capable of being either selfish or selfless, the latter being a key element towards enlightenment.

In contemporary Chinese, Ai (愛) is often used as the equivalent of the Western concept of love. Ai is used as both a verb (e.g. wo ai ni 我愛你, or “I love you”) and a noun (such as aiqing 愛情, or “romantic love”). However, due to the influence of Confucian Ren, the phrase ‘Wo ai ni’ (I love you) carries with it a very specific sense of responsibility, commitment and loyalty. Instead of frequently saying “I love you” as in some Western societies, the Chinese are more likely to express feelings of affection in a more casual way. Consequently, “I like you” (Wo xihuan ni, 我喜欢你) is a more common way of expressing affection in Chinese; it is more playful and less serious. This is also true in Japanese (suki da, 好きだ). The Chinese are also more likely to say “I love you” in English or other foreign languages than they would in their mother tongue.

Persian

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Rumi, Hafiz and Sa’di are icons of the passion and love that the Persian culture and language present. The Persian word for love is eshgh, derived from the Arabic ishq, however is considered by most to be too stalwart a term for interpersonal love and is more commonly substituted for ‘doost dashtan’ (‘liking’). In the Persian culture, everything is encompassed by love and all is for love, starting from loving friends and family, husbands and wives, and eventually reaching the divine love that is the ultimate goal in life. Over seven centuries ago, Sa’di wrote:

The children of Adam are limbs of one body
Having been created of one essence.
When the calamity of time afflicts one limb
The other limbs cannot remain at rest.
If you have no sympathy for the troubles of others
You are not worthy to be called by the name of “man

Japanese

In Japanese Buddhism, ai (愛) is passionate caring love, and a fundamental desire. It can develop towards either selfishness or selflessness and enlightenment. Amae (甘え), a Japanese word meaning “indulgent dependence,” is part of the child-rearing culture of japan. Japanese mothers are expected to hug and indulge their children, and children are expected to reward their mothers by clinging and serving. Some sociologists have suggested that Japanese social interactions in later life are modeled on the mother-child amae.

Turkish (Shaman and Islamic)

In Turkish, the word “love” comes up with several meanings. A person can love a god, a person, parents, or family. But that person can “love” just one special person, which they call the word “aşk.” Aşk is a feeling for to love, or being “in love” (Aşık), as it still is in Turkish today. The Turks used this word just for their loves in a romantic or sexual sense. If a Turk says that he is in love (Aşık) with somebody, it is not a love that a person can feel for his or her parents; it is just for one person, and it indicates a huge infatuation. The word is also common for Turkic languages, such as Azerbaijani (eşq) and Kazakh (ғашық).

Religious views

Christianity

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The Christian understanding is that love comes from God. The love of man and woman—eros in Greek—and the unselfish love of others (agape), are often contrasted as “ascending” and “descending” love, respectively, but are ultimately the same thing.

There are several Greek words for “love” that are regularly referred to in Christian circles.

  • Agape: In the New Testament, agapē is charitable, selfless, altruistic, and unconditional. It is parental love, seen as creating goodness in the world; it is the way God is seen to love humanity, and it is seen as the kind of love that Christians aspire to have for one another.
  • Phileo: Also used in the New Testament, phileo is a human response to something that is found to be delightful. Also known as “brotherly love.”
  • Two other word for love in the Greek Language, eros (sexual love) and storge (child-to-parent love), were never used in the New Testament.

Christians believe that to Love God with all your heart, mind, and strength and Love your neighbor as yourself are the two most important things in life (the greatest commandment of the Jewish Torah, according to Jesus; cf. Gospel of Mark chapter 12, verses 28–34). Saint Augustine summarized this when he wrote “Love God, and do as thou wilt.”

The Apostle Paul glorified love as the most important virtue of all. Describing love in the famous poem in 1 Corinthians, he wrote, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.” (1Cor. 13:4–7, NIV)

The Apostle John wrote, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” (John 3:16–17, NIV) John also wrote, “Dear friends, let us love one another for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1John 4:7–8, NIV)

Saint Augustine says that one must be able to decipher the difference between love and lust. Lust, according to Saint Augustine, is an overindulgence, but to love and be loved is what he has sought for his entire life. He even says, “I was in love with love.” Finally, he does fall in love and is loved back, by God. Saint Augustine says the only one who can love you truly and fully is God, because love with a human only allows for flaws such as “jealousy, suspicion, fear, anger, and contention.” According to Saint Augustine, to love God is “to attain the peace which is yours.” (Saint Augustine’s Confessions)

Christian theologians see God as the source of love, which is mirrored in humans and their own loving relationships. Influential Christian theologian C.S. Lewis wrote a book called The Four Loves. Benedict XVI wrote his first encyclical on “God is love”. He said that a human being, created in the image of God, who is love, is able to practice love; to give himself to God and others (agape) and by receiving and experiencing God’s love in contemplation (eros). This life of love, according to him, is the life of the saints such as Teresa of Calcutta and the Blessed Virgin Mary and is the direction Christians take when they believe that God loves them.

In Christianity the practical definition of love is best summarised by St. Thomas Aquinas, who defined love as “to will the good of another,” or to desire for another to succeed. This is the explanation of the Christian need to love others, including their enemies. As Thomas Aquinas explains, Christian love is motivated by the need to see others succeed in life, to be good people.

Judaism

In Hebrew, Ahava is the most commonly used term for both interpersonal love and love between God and God’s creations. Chesed, often translated as loving-kindness, is used to describe many forms of love between human beings.

The commandment to love other people is given in the Torah, which states, “Love your neighbor like yourself” (Leviticus19:18). The Torah’s commandment to love God “with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might” (Deuteronomy 6:5) is taken by the Mishnah (a central text of the Jewish oral law) to refer to good deeds, willingness to sacrifice one’s life rather than commit certain serious transgressions, willingness to sacrifice all of one’s possessions, and being grateful to the Lord despite adversity (tractate Berachoth 9:5). Rabbinic literature differs as to how this love can be developed, e.g., by contemplating divine deeds or witnessing the marvels of nature. As for love between marital partners, this is deemed an essential ingredient to life: “See life with the wife you love” (Ecclesiastes 9:9). The biblical book Song of Solomon is considered a romantically phrased metaphor of love between God and his people, but in its plain reading, reads like a love song. The 20th-century Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler is frequently quoted as defining love from the Jewish point of view as “giving without expecting to take” (from his Michtav me-Eliyahu, Vol. 1).

Islam

Love encompasses the Islamic view of life as universal brotherhood that applies to all who hold faith. Amongst the 99 names of God (Allah), there is the name Al-Wadud, or “the Loving One,” which is found in Surah [Quran 11:90] as well as Surah [Quran 85:14]. God is also referenced at the beginning of every chapter in the Qur’an as Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim, or the “Most Compassionate” and the “Most Merciful”, indicating that nobody is more loving, compassionate and benevolent than God. The Qur’an refers to God as being “full of loving kindness.”

The Qur’an exhorts Muslim believers to treat all people, those who have not persecuted them, with birr or “deep kindness” as stated in Surah [Quran 6:8-9]. Birr is also used by the Qur’an in describing the love and kindness that children must show to their parents.

Ishq, or divine love, is the emphasis of Sufism in the Islamic tradition. Practitioners of Sufism believe that love is a projection of the essence of God to the universe. God desires to recognize beauty, and as if one looks at a mirror to see oneself, God “looks” at himself within the dynamics of nature. Since everything is a reflection of God, the school of Sufism practices to see the beauty inside the apparently ugly. Sufism is often referred to as the religion of love. God in Sufism is referred to in three main terms, which are the Lover, Loved, and Beloved, with the last of these terms being often seen in Sufi poetry. A common viewpoint of Sufism is that through love, humankind can get back to its inherent purity and grace. The saints of Sufism are infamous for being “drunk” due to their love of God; hence, the constant reference to wine in Sufi poetry and music.

Eastern religions

Buddhism

In Buddhism, Kãma is sensuous, sexual love. It is an obstacle on the path to enlightenment, since it is selfish. Karunã is compassion and mercy, which reduces the suffering of others. It is complementary to wisdom and is necessary for enlightenment. Adveṣa and mettã are benevolent love. This love is unconditional and requires considerable self-acceptance. This is quite different from ordinary love, which is usually about attachment and sex and which rarely occurs without self-interest. Instead, in Buddhism it refers to detachment and unselfish interest in others’ welfare.

The Bodhisattva ideal in Mahayana Buddhism involves the complete renunciation of oneself in order to take on the burden of a suffering world. The strongest motivation one has in order to take the path of the Bodhisattva is the idea of salvation within unselfish, altruistic love for all sentient beings.

Hinduism

In Hinduism ,Kãma  is pleasurable, sexual love, personified by the god Kamadeva. For many Hindu schools, it is the third end (Kama) in life. Kamadeva is often pictured holding a bow of sugar cane and an arrow of flowers; he may ride upon a great parrot. He is usually accompanied by his consort Rati and his companion Vasanta, lord of the spring season. Stone images of Kamadeva and Rati can be seen on the door of the Chennakeshava temple at Belur, in Karnataka, India. Maara is another name for kāma.

In contrast to kāmaprema – or prem – refers to elevated love. Karuna is compassion and mercy, which impels one to help reduce the suffering of others. Bhakti is a Sanskrit term, meaning “loving devotion to the supreme God.” A person who practices bhakti is called a bhakta. Hindu writers, theologians, and philosophers have distinguished nine forms of bhakta, which can be found in the Bhagavata Purana and works by Tulsidas. The philosophical work Narada bhakta Sutras, written by an unknown author (presumed to be Narada), distinguishes eleven forms of love.

In certain Vaishnava sects within Hinduism, attaining unaldulterated, unconditional and incessant love for Godhead is considered the foremost goal of life. Gaudiya Vaishnavas who worship Krishna as the Supreme Personality of Godhead and the cause of all causes consider Love for Godhead (Prema) to act in two ways: sambhoga and vipralambha (union and separation)—two opposites .

In the condition of separation, there is an acute yearning for being with the beloved and in the condition of union there is supreme happiness and nectarean. Gaudiya Vaishnavas consider that Krishna-prema (Love for Godhead) is not fire but that it still burns away one’s material desires. They consider that Kṛṣṇa-prema is not a weapon, but it still pierces the heart. It is not water, but it washes away everything—one’s pride, religious rules, and one’s shyness. Krishna-prema is considered to make one drown in the ocean of transcendental ecstasy and pleasure. The love of Radha, a cowherd girl, for Krishna is often cited as the supreme example of love for Godhead by Gaudiya Vaishnavas. Radha is considered to be the internal potency of Krishna, and is the supreme lover of Godhead. Her example of love is considered to be beyond the understanding of material realm as it surpasses any form of selfish love or lust that is visible in the material world. The reciprocal love between Radha (the supreme lover) and Krishna (God as the Supremely Loved) is the subject of many poetic compositions in India such as the Gita Govinda and Hari Bhakti Shuddhodhaya.

In the Bhakti tradition within Hinduism, it is believed that execution of devotional service to God leads to the development of Love for God (taiche bhakti-phale krsne prema upajaya), and as love for God increases in the heart, the more one becomes free from material contamination (krishna-prema asvada haile, bhava nasa paya). Being perfectly in love with God or Krishna makes one perfectly free from material contamination. and this is the ultimate way of salvation or liberation. In this tradition, salvation or liberation is considered inferior to love, and just an incidental by-product. Being absorbed in Love for God is considered to be the perfection of life.

Political views

Free love

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The term free love has been used to describe a social movement that rejects marriage, which is seen as a form of social bondage. The Free Love movement’s initial goal was to separate the state from sexual matters such as marriage, birth control, and adultery. It claimed that such issues were the concern of the people involved, and no one else.

Many people in the early 19th century believed that marriage was an important aspect of life to “fulfill earthly human happiness.” Middle-class Americans wanted the home to be a place of stability in an uncertain world. This mentality created a vision of strongly defined gender roles, which provoked the advancement of the free love movement as a contrast.

The term “sex radical” is also used interchangeably with the term “free lover”, and was the preferred term by advocates because of the negative connotations of “free love”. By whatever name, advocates had two strong beliefs: opposition to the idea of forceful sexual activity in a relationship and advocacy for a woman to use her body in any way that she pleases. These are also beliefs of Feminism.

Philosophical views

Philosophy of love is the field of social philosophy and ethics that attempts to explain the nature of love. The philosophical investigation of love includes the tasks of distinguishing between the various kinds of personal love, asking if and how love is or can be justified, asking what the value of love is, and what impact love has on the autonomy of both the lover and the beloved.

Many different theories attempt to explain the nature and function of love. Explaining love to a hypothetical person who had not himself or herself experienced love or being loved would be very difficult because to such a person love would appear to be quite strange if not outright irrational behavior. Among the prevailing types of theories that attempt to account for the existence of love are: psychological theories, the vast majority of which consider love to be very healthy behavior; evolutionary theories which hold that love is part of the process of natural selection; spiritual theories which may, for instance consider love to be a gift from God; and theories that consider love to be an unexplainable mystery, very much like a mystical experience.

source:wikipedia